if you're wondering how things are going over on the bird website, Green Day was on New Years Rockin Eve last night and performed American Idiot with the slight line change of saying "not a part of the MAGA agenda" instead of "redneck agenda" and conservatives are FUCKING PISSED talking about "how dare they make it political" because none of them have a single ounce of media literacy

oh my god it's realGreen Day slams 'MAGA agenda,' Republicans shocked to learn 'American Idiot' is political.

I.

we usually get some kind of something from dnp over the holidays so the fact that we haven't means every single theory we have is right and occuring all at the same time. they got married. dan accidently bleached his hair and now he's blond and curl-less. they adopted a cat. they haven't seen each other in a week and a half and the universe ripped in half. they've gone into a post-gamingmas coma. they vlogged iom and lost the footage. they drank so much on new years they forgot to kiss and have been passed out since. the builders moved into their home when they were away for the holidays and they're too socially awkward to say anything. they're getting engaged and dan lost the ring. they've decided to do gamingmas 2 in february and are prepping those videos (wait til you see what they post on the 14th!). phil broke their computer by spilling coffee on it and he knocked it over with his ass. the reindeer decoration is enacting his revenge. they got invited to a red carpet and are playing possum so they have a reason not to go. phivorce part 3 (the sequel to phivorce 2: happily phoreverafter). they've gone to japan to film the devan japan honeymoon.

I am really enjoying reading about the University of Wisconsin chancellor fired after the university discovered all the pornos he and his wife were making.

Generally when someone has a public sex scandal (or “scandal”) you get the standard “I am sorry. I regret it. It was a misjudgment on my part” but this guy is like “fuck you I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t violate conflict of interest clauses, you are violating my first amendment rights”

SEXY HEALTHY COOKING

I want to see this legal battle

We can’t do anything about hate speech but if there is consensual sexual activity involved!

I want the details about how this was discovered because it has a real “I saw the professor at the devil’s sacrament” “girl what were YOU doing at the devil’s sacrament 👀" vibe

I just know Franz Kafka would have done fucking numbers on Tumblr

He is doing numbers here

ever since i updated my phone's software it's been giving me two separate weather report notifications, neither of which ever say the same thing

introducing your new virtual assistants: guard who only tells the truth and guard who only tells lies

"People shouldn't post about how the contraceptive pill can be prescribed for non-contraceptive reasons because it's sex negative" feels like a take that can only come from people who don't realise just how young some people end up being prescribed the pill

Like, fine, you, person in your twenties, might be comfortable being like "this is the pill I take to fuck without getting pregnant", but I don't think it's sex negative for a thirteen-year-old who has been prescribed it for debilitating period pain to not want to have to hide their medication from their classmates on an overnight school trip because their classmates think that the only reason anyone would take it is that they're sexually active

addicted to saying "ill definitely check that out" about things that i will definitely forget to check out

not me. i'm going to get to it. for you see, i have Opened A Tab

thinking about how the world would be better if more people understood the differences between 'the author failed to tell the story they wanted to tell' and 'the author told the story they wanted to tell, but they told it badly' and 'the author told the story they wanted to, and they told it well, but it wasn't the story I wanted to read'